Getting younger everyday
in an effort to stop time
I've deserted the ordinary
in favor of a different sort of life
Younger but not smaller
Older but not taller
evaporating without disappearing
fading away without making a sound
silently becoming something old,
something new, yet familiar
there's just something...
that infiltrated my senses
the taste of sugar, feeling
grains slide across my tongue
before melting gently into syrup
when it met my pools of saliva...
very nice. how very sweet
my memory seems to be
remembering actually
smells and tastes
a lot like heaven sounds
immortalized in my mind
those series of moments
as time passed me by
written 6.16.07 edited 6.21.07
Thursday, June 21, 2007
That's Not A Spotlight!
As I came around the house
I instinctively blinked, shielded my eyes
from the inevitable brightness, the
unnatural blinding light I expected.
harsh as it may have been, man
was not to blame for this moment
I rolled my eyes and whispered
to myself correctively,
"that's not a spotlight, it's the moon!"
obliterating my vision of the stars
but at least it was no back porch
or motion-sensor driveway lamp
Ursa Major hung on her side,
relaxing in the summer sky
amongst all the other
pinholes, pinpricks of
constellatory shine.
Oh, you know what I mean.
I instinctively blinked, shielded my eyes
from the inevitable brightness, the
unnatural blinding light I expected.
harsh as it may have been, man
was not to blame for this moment
I rolled my eyes and whispered
to myself correctively,
"that's not a spotlight, it's the moon!"
obliterating my vision of the stars
but at least it was no back porch
or motion-sensor driveway lamp
Ursa Major hung on her side,
relaxing in the summer sky
amongst all the other
pinholes, pinpricks of
constellatory shine.
Oh, you know what I mean.
Friday, June 15, 2007
angsty in the city on 6/11
This day I felt like a jacked-up Trent Reznor, post-With Teeth. YAR!
I'm running out of time. I'm running out of shade. I'm running out of things to do. I'm losing space, honestly. I don't know what I'm doing with... everything, anything. I'm running out of friends to call. I'm running out of patience. I'm running away. I'll stay in your closet, stay out of the way. The sun is strong, it won't be long. I'm burning up inside. I'm running out of words to write. I'm running out of time. I'm running out of reason. Running out of rhyme. Fuck. I'm out of here.
Wait, I'm back...
I'm too hot outside. I'm too cold inside. I'm running out of enthusiasm. I'm running out of creativity. I'm disappointed with the lack of language. I'm running out of interest.
I'm running out of time. I'm running out of shade. I'm running out of things to do. I'm losing space, honestly. I don't know what I'm doing with... everything, anything. I'm running out of friends to call. I'm running out of patience. I'm running away. I'll stay in your closet, stay out of the way. The sun is strong, it won't be long. I'm burning up inside. I'm running out of words to write. I'm running out of time. I'm running out of reason. Running out of rhyme. Fuck. I'm out of here.
Wait, I'm back...
I'm too hot outside. I'm too cold inside. I'm running out of enthusiasm. I'm running out of creativity. I'm disappointed with the lack of language. I'm running out of interest.
Watch as it changes over.
my cryptic nature
escaping me
engulfed by
honest tendencies
stay up late
hear the pump break
destroy my fate
until i wake
a deliberate decision?
no, i meant not
to get ashes in your water
(so to speak)
the night is relatively still
the calm, infrequent wind
breathes in my direction
defying my decision
to sit in silent obscurity
my choice to choose the wrong words
stop wasting paper, now
i can't wait to waste paint instead.
i watch my surroundings quietly
the bicycle stands without fear
but not fearlessly. just...
allowing the light to expose its
entirety.
the bike, the bucket, glistening.
glistening without dew.
its metal entirely
gleaming in the night
stars like pinholes
above me
the bike, the bucket,
the bulked, is that enough?
bathed in artificial light
i wish to remember
this ever-still night
a night ordinary enough
but marking a day
of riding away
so brilliant we were
on bumpy roads
i held on tightly
to his shoulders
until my arms were weak.
the passenger footpegs dared
to vibrate endlessly
the hills dared to
undulate vividly
emanating odours
sour, then sweet, then
nothing but complete
the sun bore brightly
as i held tightly
awake and alive
as i'll ever be
attentive, nervous,
relaxed simultaneously
escaping me
engulfed by
honest tendencies
stay up late
hear the pump break
destroy my fate
until i wake
a deliberate decision?
no, i meant not
to get ashes in your water
(so to speak)
the night is relatively still
the calm, infrequent wind
breathes in my direction
defying my decision
to sit in silent obscurity
my choice to choose the wrong words
stop wasting paper, now
i can't wait to waste paint instead.
i watch my surroundings quietly
the bicycle stands without fear
but not fearlessly. just...
allowing the light to expose its
entirety.
the bike, the bucket, glistening.
glistening without dew.
its metal entirely
gleaming in the night
stars like pinholes
above me
the bike, the bucket,
the bulked, is that enough?
bathed in artificial light
i wish to remember
this ever-still night
a night ordinary enough
but marking a day
of riding away
so brilliant we were
on bumpy roads
i held on tightly
to his shoulders
until my arms were weak.
the passenger footpegs dared
to vibrate endlessly
the hills dared to
undulate vividly
emanating odours
sour, then sweet, then
nothing but complete
the sun bore brightly
as i held tightly
awake and alive
as i'll ever be
attentive, nervous,
relaxed simultaneously
The Ayer's Cliff List
First night here, my iPod shuffled itself into this lovely list. I would like for you to listen to it, so go ahead and organize these songs in this order and let the countryside overtake your eardrums.
- Leaky Tunnel - The Fiery Furnaces
- Private Life - Oingo Boingo
- The Audio Pool - The Album Leaf
- Red Right Ankle - The Decemberists
- A Warm Place - Nine Inch Nails
- Our Kitten Sees Ghosts - Califone
- On The Bus Mall - The Decemberists
- Megalomania - Muse
- That's What I Get - Nine Inch Nails
- A Message - Coldplay
- Let The Cool Goddess Rust Away - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!
- So Says I - The Shins
- Gravity - A Perfect Circle
- We Can Have It - The Dears
- By Your Side - CocoRosie
- The Hem Of Your Garment - Cake
- Cold Light - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
My iPod exploded shortly after I documented this. Now I cannot listen to it anymore. Good news, though - I found a couple data CDs I had made for a friend that had yet to be mailed. Score!
Saturday, June 9, 2007
Ayer's Cliff Nights
there was something so intimate
me, sitting there
ages ago and i still remember
breathtakingly cold air
dare i say death had consumed me
i no longer knew what to live for
surrounded by inner turmoil
my secret soul slashing its way through
seeking a way out of that jungle
a desperate attempt to unearth my heart
hoping there was something left of me
still
i thought myself to be utterly empty
drowning in my own deepness,
vastly misunderstood, misrepresented
the world held no sacred place for me
there was nothing left inside but hurt
i wasn't careful with my heart
i only knew how to push it down deeper
and deeper still
one step closer now
i'm one step closer to discovery
stepping out onto wet wood
the night is dark, the dark consumes
it eats away at the borders of my vision
nothingness
complete nothingness surrounds me
is there any other way to be?
delving into the night i am not afraid
i am stronger now
escaping the evening cool, fresh air
a flame in my hand
i have learned to breathe, though i still forget
sometimes we all forget
and none of our secrets are physical
let's forget about the flesh for one moment
focus on the cool. the crisp. the all-knowing night.
nothing like feeling dirt between my toes
i feel connected to this earth, the trees
they encompass me and consume my desires
i don't have many questions tonight
whirring through my consciousness as they once did
for i have found the calm moment this night holds
this deep, dark world is safe tonight
and i don't feel so alone
as i usually do.
as i breathe i extinguish the flame
and the smoke rises up into the starless sky
those stars once haunted my existence
i wondered, worried, pondered once
but no more.
accepting the night beauty for what it is
a noise approaches, taunts my fearlessness
and i hiss abruptly
the moment whisked away from me, thoughtlessly
the night is inconsiderate.
there is nothing i want but the warmth of skin
to graze my own, to glide along mine thoughtfully
to take my time, to know there's no hurry
breathing holds an esoteric significance
and i need nobody to know this
i yearn for it to remain an enigma
not to ever be known or grasped or understood
yet that longing for a common ground, a
common thread with another being
still lingers within, and without end.
me, sitting there
ages ago and i still remember
breathtakingly cold air
dare i say death had consumed me
i no longer knew what to live for
surrounded by inner turmoil
my secret soul slashing its way through
seeking a way out of that jungle
a desperate attempt to unearth my heart
hoping there was something left of me
still
i thought myself to be utterly empty
drowning in my own deepness,
vastly misunderstood, misrepresented
the world held no sacred place for me
there was nothing left inside but hurt
i wasn't careful with my heart
i only knew how to push it down deeper
and deeper still
one step closer now
i'm one step closer to discovery
stepping out onto wet wood
the night is dark, the dark consumes
it eats away at the borders of my vision
nothingness
complete nothingness surrounds me
is there any other way to be?
delving into the night i am not afraid
i am stronger now
escaping the evening cool, fresh air
a flame in my hand
i have learned to breathe, though i still forget
sometimes we all forget
and none of our secrets are physical
let's forget about the flesh for one moment
focus on the cool. the crisp. the all-knowing night.
nothing like feeling dirt between my toes
i feel connected to this earth, the trees
they encompass me and consume my desires
i don't have many questions tonight
whirring through my consciousness as they once did
for i have found the calm moment this night holds
this deep, dark world is safe tonight
and i don't feel so alone
as i usually do.
as i breathe i extinguish the flame
and the smoke rises up into the starless sky
those stars once haunted my existence
i wondered, worried, pondered once
but no more.
accepting the night beauty for what it is
a noise approaches, taunts my fearlessness
and i hiss abruptly
the moment whisked away from me, thoughtlessly
the night is inconsiderate.
there is nothing i want but the warmth of skin
to graze my own, to glide along mine thoughtfully
to take my time, to know there's no hurry
breathing holds an esoteric significance
and i need nobody to know this
i yearn for it to remain an enigma
not to ever be known or grasped or understood
yet that longing for a common ground, a
common thread with another being
still lingers within, and without end.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
ummm, I like, couldn't help it?
There's a shiny, transparent blue plastic stapler right in front of me. Next to it is a bright green soda can, standing tall and disinterested. There in an excessively long mouse cord nearby, snaked dangerously close to the stapler's mouth. I'd imagine that if it gets too close, something could go terribly wrong. What if that mouse's tail gets too brave? What if it says something mean to the stapler? Will the shark-like biting take over, or will Little Blue be able to control himself? And what if the mouse tail tickled the stapler's lips and he couldn't help but clamp down by accident?
The shark has see-through skin, and inside of him lays a great maze of mechanisms. He might not know what it's like to love, but he knows he sure is fond of biting. His skin is cool blue; his teeth are dispensable metal slivers, expendable... he does not consider it wasteful to chomp away at whatever's presented to him. He has no mercy. Unlike his distant relative, the automatic stapler, he does need some assistance. But not in his head; to him, it's all a choice. He simply tells the human hand to slam down upon him, and he lets the hand know that he enjoys the pain. For in the cold blow he is dealt, he can turn and deal a cold blow of his own. Justice? No. Our friend the stapler is no martyr, either. But believe me, if it comes down to black and white, this blue stapler is a harsh, heartless biting machine.
The shark has see-through skin, and inside of him lays a great maze of mechanisms. He might not know what it's like to love, but he knows he sure is fond of biting. His skin is cool blue; his teeth are dispensable metal slivers, expendable... he does not consider it wasteful to chomp away at whatever's presented to him. He has no mercy. Unlike his distant relative, the automatic stapler, he does need some assistance. But not in his head; to him, it's all a choice. He simply tells the human hand to slam down upon him, and he lets the hand know that he enjoys the pain. For in the cold blow he is dealt, he can turn and deal a cold blow of his own. Justice? No. Our friend the stapler is no martyr, either. But believe me, if it comes down to black and white, this blue stapler is a harsh, heartless biting machine.
and then i heard the sound, the quiet tear of..
they say i'm a wheel of tape. not the packing tape you may have seen in the movies, and not that crazy overzealous silvery tape with the stringy lines running through it. definitely not that yellowy inchwide stuff that only sticks for a couple weeks before it ages and brittles and peels. i'm the friendliest of the all, the pale white scotch tape. sure, i'm inexpensive, but i have good taste. i know the difference between paper and plastic. i can tell when i'm being stuck to something important, too. and i try extra hard to hold it together for you, i do. i always try hard. but today, nobody here really needs me. not yet, anyway. the paperclips must be doing a fine job so far this morning, because here i am, alone and quiet in the corner, right under a huge silver mon-it-er. my body is black, hardened plastic. i hold on in the front like i'm riding a whale. i even have metal teeth, and that's what i stretch my arm out to hold on to. i'm getting low these days, and my energy runs thin. i anticipate another good week before i pass from this body and get replaced by a distant relative, maybe from the same tribe. i'm like a crab, only i don't grow bigger into new bodies, i just fade away and leave my body for someone new. i'm not fretting about it though, not yet. right now i just feel peaceful. the house that i live in, they call it hell. but i know better than that. that's just people-talk for "i don't like my job". i don't have a job. i mean, i purely exist to function, so i guess that IS my job. but it is also my destiny. it is what i was made to do. i was made to stick for you. it pleases me to please you. go ahead, use me. i won't be angry. i am here to serve.
today is a quiet day. the hell-dwellers haven't gotten too noisy yet. but you ought to hear some of the things they say! my. the things i hear throughout a day. when i first got to this body, it had already been used. i could tell because they'd left a sticker on my right side. it is worn and frayed on the edges and it's no match for its former white self. now it is withered gray, with someone's bad penmanship, "cursive" that reads "Film Library" across the side. one might describe it as "scrawled", i believe that's the term. anyway, it makes me feel like less of a tape dispenser. but i know it's trivial. it doesn't really change the way i help people.
today is a good day. just look at the way my skin is frosted in the daylight. no actual sunlight ever hits me, but i can tell it exists. i am calm. i am calm..
today is a quiet day. the hell-dwellers haven't gotten too noisy yet. but you ought to hear some of the things they say! my. the things i hear throughout a day. when i first got to this body, it had already been used. i could tell because they'd left a sticker on my right side. it is worn and frayed on the edges and it's no match for its former white self. now it is withered gray, with someone's bad penmanship, "cursive" that reads "Film Library" across the side. one might describe it as "scrawled", i believe that's the term. anyway, it makes me feel like less of a tape dispenser. but i know it's trivial. it doesn't really change the way i help people.
today is a good day. just look at the way my skin is frosted in the daylight. no actual sunlight ever hits me, but i can tell it exists. i am calm. i am calm..
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Madlist
There are many things that make people mad. I can't usually think of them all at once, but here are some:
-metro people zombie-crashing around, into other people (not to mention the exit/entrance "strategies" these people use)
-tailgating pedestrians (god, learn some effing etiquette already! pass me! do I really have to pull over?)
-negligence in card-playing (it's your turn...)
-running out of beer at 11pm (especially when the movie isn't even over yet!)
-a freshly sharpened pencil that breaks its tip right away
-trying to cram your shoes on while running late, only to get your heel stuck and/or hurting your thumbs trying to wedge it in there
-fuckin' static electricity!
-when it's dark in the middle of the day - I don't wanna turn the lights on!
-eating snacks all day and never feeling satisfied
-getting headaches in the car for no good reason
-going on what you think will be a short walk but quickly turns into a hike up Mt Royal - in flip-flops
-staying up all night and *still* not managing to finish my paper
-letting myself get dehydrated when water's readily available
You get the idea. I'm sure there's more, but hey - this is enough to be mad about already.
-metro people zombie-crashing around, into other people (not to mention the exit/entrance "strategies" these people use)
-tailgating pedestrians (god, learn some effing etiquette already! pass me! do I really have to pull over?)
-negligence in card-playing (it's your turn...)
-running out of beer at 11pm (especially when the movie isn't even over yet!)
-a freshly sharpened pencil that breaks its tip right away
-trying to cram your shoes on while running late, only to get your heel stuck and/or hurting your thumbs trying to wedge it in there
-fuckin' static electricity!
-when it's dark in the middle of the day - I don't wanna turn the lights on!
-eating snacks all day and never feeling satisfied
-getting headaches in the car for no good reason
-going on what you think will be a short walk but quickly turns into a hike up Mt Royal - in flip-flops
-staying up all night and *still* not managing to finish my paper
-letting myself get dehydrated when water's readily available
You get the idea. I'm sure there's more, but hey - this is enough to be mad about already.
In Trouble List
So I was sitting in a coffee shop with some of my crew, when I discovered that Amanda and I happen to maybe... say things that get us into trouble from time to time. Here it is, the things that earned us more than a few glares from the Boys that day:
mentioning Jen
making fun of Geof
drawing things like Jackie's "lipstick" in Geof's book
Amanda offering morphine to my boyfriend
not putting Waltslist first on my happy list
when Geof reads this list
There was definitely a lot more that got us into trouble. I think any time we laughed or whispered was highly illegal that day...
Don't worry. There will definitely be more that gets the two of us in trouble.
mentioning Jen
making fun of Geof
drawing things like Jackie's "lipstick" in Geof's book
Amanda offering morphine to my boyfriend
not putting Waltslist first on my happy list
when Geof reads this list
There was definitely a lot more that got us into trouble. I think any time we laughed or whispered was highly illegal that day...
Don't worry. There will definitely be more that gets the two of us in trouble.
I am a Word Nerd.
Hello, everyone. With the help of Amanda, Walter, and Geoffrey, I have come up with some words and phrases that are fun to say.
awesome
bubble
"bubonic plague"
button
"candy store rock"
cream
definitely
diagonal
dragon
exhilarate
expunge
hilare, hilarious
obvi, obvio
pelvic
Rasputin
"silly rabbit"
slit
smad (A. Parker™)
smangry (A. Parker™)
spoon
super
"Super D" (A. Parker™)
syphilis
zipper
"Zounds!"
Don't be disappointed if you didn't see your word on here. This is just a preliminary list, and it will be expanded. Relax.
awesome
bubble
"bubonic plague"
button
"candy store rock"
cream
definitely
diagonal
dragon
exhilarate
expunge
hilare, hilarious
obvi, obvio
pelvic
Rasputin
"silly rabbit"
slit
smad (A. Parker™)
smangry (A. Parker™)
spoon
super
"Super D" (A. Parker™)
syphilis
zipper
"Zounds!"
Don't be disappointed if you didn't see your word on here. This is just a preliminary list, and it will be expanded. Relax.
Monday, April 9, 2007
I Am The Fun Blame Monster!
Guess what? Menomena is a fun band. I saw them live with my favorite buddies, Walty and Geofi and Nairi. Here is a video. It is a good video, so watch it, okay? Okay. Fun! Really though, the song "Rotten Hell" ought to have a video, because that is the bestest song. They are super funny.
I Missed Bath Day!
Oh man. As many of you know, Thursday is my traditional morning bath day. A moment of contemplation, relaxation, and... baths! Sadly, I missed it last week. This has only happened one time before, and it really threw me off for the rest of the weekend. This time there have been few noticeable side effects, but I am on the lookout. Messing with the Ritual is probably not a good idea...
Maybe I should change Bath Day to Tuesdays... I don't know. I just don't know anymore. We'll see...
By the way guys, this whole bath day thing doesn't mean I don't clean myself during the rest of the week. I totally shower everyday. Don't be gross.
Friday, April 6, 2007
Sadlist
Hello, I am going to make a list of things that are sad. Later, be sure to check out the Madlist, things that are mad. Well, things that make people mad. Mostly just me.
SUPER SAD:
-cereal that gets soggy before you have a chance to eat it
-cereal bowl that gets smashed on the floor in a drunken stupor before you have a chance to eat it
-going for a sip of delicious tea while engrossed in a book, only to realize that you already drank it
-losing a button on your favorite piece of clothing (like pants or a coat, for instance)
-trying to burn an SVCD when you don't have time to burn a DVD, even though you know there will be significant loss in quality - SAD!
-ripping off old logos that take more than you intended (for example, a favorite bag that cannot be salvaged)
-burning the croissants when it's all you have left to eat
-lying to yourself
-moving away
-double suicides
-The Notebook
-last call
-when it's time to go.
Okay, those are just some examples of things that are sad in general.
Here is the saddest experience in sportscaster history, I'm pretty sure:
SUPER SAD:
-cereal that gets soggy before you have a chance to eat it
-cereal bowl that gets smashed on the floor in a drunken stupor before you have a chance to eat it
-going for a sip of delicious tea while engrossed in a book, only to realize that you already drank it
-losing a button on your favorite piece of clothing (like pants or a coat, for instance)
-trying to burn an SVCD when you don't have time to burn a DVD, even though you know there will be significant loss in quality - SAD!
-ripping off old logos that take more than you intended (for example, a favorite bag that cannot be salvaged)
-burning the croissants when it's all you have left to eat
-lying to yourself
-moving away
-double suicides
-The Notebook
-last call
-when it's time to go.
Okay, those are just some examples of things that are sad in general.
Here is the saddest experience in sportscaster history, I'm pretty sure:
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