Ayer's Cliff Nights

there was something so intimate
me, sitting there
ages ago and i still remember
breathtakingly cold air
dare i say death had consumed me
i no longer knew what to live for
surrounded by inner turmoil
my secret soul slashing its way through
seeking a way out of that jungle
a desperate attempt to unearth my heart
hoping there was something left of me
still

i thought myself to be utterly empty
drowning in my own deepness,
vastly misunderstood, misrepresented
the world held no sacred place for me
there was nothing left inside but hurt
i wasn't careful with my heart
i only knew how to push it down deeper
and deeper still

one step closer now
i'm one step closer to discovery
stepping out onto wet wood
the night is dark, the dark consumes
it eats away at the borders of my vision
nothingness
complete nothingness surrounds me
is there any other way to be?
delving into the night i am not afraid
i am stronger now
escaping the evening cool, fresh air
a flame in my hand
i have learned to breathe, though i still forget
sometimes we all forget
and none of our secrets are physical

let's forget about the flesh for one moment
focus on the cool. the crisp. the all-knowing night.
nothing like feeling dirt between my toes
i feel connected to this earth, the trees
they encompass me and consume my desires
i don't have many questions tonight
whirring through my consciousness as they once did
for i have found the calm moment this night holds
this deep, dark world is safe tonight
and i don't feel so alone
as i usually do.
as i breathe i extinguish the flame
and the smoke rises up into the starless sky
those stars once haunted my existence
i wondered, worried, pondered once
but no more.

accepting the night beauty for what it is
a noise approaches, taunts my fearlessness
and i hiss abruptly
the moment whisked away from me, thoughtlessly
the night is inconsiderate.
there is nothing i want but the warmth of skin
to graze my own, to glide along mine thoughtfully
to take my time, to know there's no hurry
breathing holds an esoteric significance
and i need nobody to know this
i yearn for it to remain an enigma
not to ever be known or grasped or understood
yet that longing for a common ground, a
common thread with another being
still lingers within, and without end.