Is this natural?

Getting younger everyday
in an effort to stop time
I've deserted the ordinary
in favor of a different sort of life
Younger but not smaller
Older but not taller
evaporating without disappearing
fading away without making a sound
silently becoming something old,
something new, yet familiar
there's just something...
that infiltrated my senses
the taste of sugar, feeling
grains slide across my tongue
before melting gently into syrup
when it met my pools of saliva...
very nice. how very sweet
my memory seems to be
remembering actually
smells and tastes
a lot like heaven sounds
immortalized in my mind
those series of moments
as time passed me by


written 6.16.07 edited 6.21.07

That's Not A Spotlight!

As I came around the house
I instinctively blinked, shielded my eyes
from the inevitable brightness, the
unnatural blinding light I expected.
harsh as it may have been, man
was not to blame for this moment
I rolled my eyes and whispered
to myself correctively,
"that's not a spotlight, it's the moon!"
obliterating my vision of the stars
but at least it was no back porch
or motion-sensor driveway lamp
Ursa Major hung on her side,
relaxing in the summer sky
amongst all the other
pinholes, pinpricks of
constellatory shine.




Oh, you know what I mean.

angsty in the city on 6/11

This day I felt like a jacked-up Trent Reznor, post-With Teeth. YAR!


I'm running out of time. I'm running out of shade. I'm running out of things to do. I'm losing space, honestly. I don't know what I'm doing with... everything, anything. I'm running out of friends to call. I'm running out of patience. I'm running away. I'll stay in your closet, stay out of the way. The sun is strong, it won't be long. I'm burning up inside. I'm running out of words to write. I'm running out of time. I'm running out of reason. Running out of rhyme. Fuck. I'm out of here.

Wait, I'm back...


I'm too hot outside. I'm too cold inside. I'm running out of enthusiasm. I'm running out of creativity. I'm disappointed with the lack of language. I'm running out of interest.

Watch as it changes over.

my cryptic nature
escaping me
engulfed by
honest tendencies
stay up late
hear the pump break
destroy my fate
until i wake

a deliberate decision?
no, i meant not
to get ashes in your water
(so to speak)
the night is relatively still
the calm, infrequent wind
breathes in my direction
defying my decision
to sit in silent obscurity
my choice to choose the wrong words
stop wasting paper, now
i can't wait to waste paint instead.
i watch my surroundings quietly
the bicycle stands without fear
but not fearlessly. just...
allowing the light to expose its
entirety.
the bike, the bucket, glistening.
glistening without dew.
its metal entirely
gleaming in the night
stars like pinholes
above me
the bike, the bucket,
the bulked, is that enough?
bathed in artificial light
i wish to remember
this ever-still night
a night ordinary enough
but marking a day
of riding away
so brilliant we were
on bumpy roads
i held on tightly
to his shoulders
until my arms were weak.
the passenger footpegs dared
to vibrate endlessly
the hills dared to
undulate vividly
emanating odours
sour, then sweet, then
nothing but complete
the sun bore brightly
as i held tightly
awake and alive
as i'll ever be
attentive, nervous,
relaxed simultaneously

The Ayer's Cliff List

First night here, my iPod shuffled itself into this lovely list. I would like for you to listen to it, so go ahead and organize these songs in this order and let the countryside overtake your eardrums.

1. Leaky Tunnel - The Fiery Furnaces
2. Private Life - Oingo Boingo
3. The Audio Pool - The Album Leaf
4. Red Right Ankle - The Decemberists
5. A Warm Place - Nine Inch Nails
6. Our Kitten Sees Ghosts - Califone
7. On The Bus Mall - The Decemberists
8. Megalomania - Muse
9. That's What I Get - Nine Inch Nails
10. A Message - Coldplay
11. Let The Cool Goddess Rust Away - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!
12. So Says I - The Shins
13. Gravity - A Perfect Circle
14. We Can Have It - The Dears
15. By Your Side - CocoRosie
16. The Hem Of Your Garment - Cake
17. Cold Light - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

My iPod exploded shortly after I documented this. Now I cannot listen to it anymore. Good news, though - I found a couple data CDs I had made for a friend that had yet to be mailed. Score!

Ayer's Cliff Nights

there was something so intimate
me, sitting there
ages ago and i still remember
breathtakingly cold air
dare i say death had consumed me
i no longer knew what to live for
surrounded by inner turmoil
my secret soul slashing its way through
seeking a way out of that jungle
a desperate attempt to unearth my heart
hoping there was something left of me
still

i thought myself to be utterly empty
drowning in my own deepness,
vastly misunderstood, misrepresented
the world held no sacred place for me
there was nothing left inside but hurt
i wasn't careful with my heart
i only knew how to push it down deeper
and deeper still

one step closer now
i'm one step closer to discovery
stepping out onto wet wood
the night is dark, the dark consumes
it eats away at the borders of my vision
nothingness
complete nothingness surrounds me
is there any other way to be?
delving into the night i am not afraid
i am stronger now
escaping the evening cool, fresh air
a flame in my hand
i have learned to breathe, though i still forget
sometimes we all forget
and none of our secrets are physical

let's forget about the flesh for one moment
focus on the cool. the crisp. the all-knowing night.
nothing like feeling dirt between my toes
i feel connected to this earth, the trees
they encompass me and consume my desires
i don't have many questions tonight
whirring through my consciousness as they once did
for i have found the calm moment this night holds
this deep, dark world is safe tonight
and i don't feel so alone
as i usually do.
as i breathe i extinguish the flame
and the smoke rises up into the starless sky
those stars once haunted my existence
i wondered, worried, pondered once
but no more.

accepting the night beauty for what it is
a noise approaches, taunts my fearlessness
and i hiss abruptly
the moment whisked away from me, thoughtlessly
the night is inconsiderate.
there is nothing i want but the warmth of skin
to graze my own, to glide along mine thoughtfully
to take my time, to know there's no hurry
breathing holds an esoteric significance
and i need nobody to know this
i yearn for it to remain an enigma
not to ever be known or grasped or understood
yet that longing for a common ground, a
common thread with another being
still lingers within, and without end.